


Dismemberment Goblins Suck

by chaletian



Category: Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-24
Updated: 2012-04-24
Packaged: 2017-11-04 06:10:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaletian/pseuds/chaletian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hadley does not approve of field trips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dismemberment Goblins Suck

There are bugs.

Hadley hates bugs.

“What the hell are we doing out here,” he complains, slapping at his neck. “Seriously, man, I am an indoor worker. My pallid skin belongs in an underground bunker.”

“It’s a field trip,” says Sitterson.

“I hate field trips,” says Hadley. 

“You haven’t been on a field trip since ’99.”

Hadley scowls. “Yeah, and look how that one turned out. I tried to be the voice of reason. I _tried_ to point out that we were indoor workers who belonged in an underground bunker. And what happened? Huh? Oh, that’s right. Death and disaster are what happened.”

Sitterson shrugs. “Well, dismemberment goblins. Whattaya gonna do?” 

“Dismemberment goblins suck, man. And, to return to my original point, as do field trips. Do you even…?”

The door bangs and a man enters. “What denizens of… oh, it’s you.”

“Hey Mordecai,” says Sitterson. “Just checking out the creep factor. Doing nicely, I see. Are those bottled organs new?”

“Bought ‘em off the internet. Amazin’ what you can get on eBay,” he adds meaningfully.

Sitterson winces. “Jeez, Mordecai…”

“Why would anyone even put a _dismembering goblin_ on fucking eBay?” demands Hadley. “Why, for the love of God, would they do that?”

“We don’t mention the E word,” says Sitterson, sotto voce.

“They were fucking goblins!”

“Or the G word.”

“Gettin’ you loud and clear,” replies Mordecai. “That was a right terrible thing. Ain’t fair, something like that happening to someone so close to retirement.” His voice rises, creaky yet sonorous. “ _And I looked and behold a pale horse, and his name that sat on him…_ ”

“I am returning to my underground bunker,” says Hadley calmly. “There will be no more field trips.”

Ironically, the underground bunker turns out to be less safe than even the dismemberment goblin fiasco of ’99, but hey, that’s life and death for you.


End file.
